Congratulations! Your Dad says you're ready
To announce to the world that you're willing to run.
He says he has taught you to swear you're against
Evolution and restrictions on who buys a gun.
Daddy says he's aware you'll have tough competition
From lots who're against a lot more rules than you,
And that you'll need tutoring and/or brainwashing
Before you, too, have a clue what to do,
Except to cut taxes and balance the budget,
And not blame Exxon Mobil for cooking us all,
Then share the belief that God's a Republican
And wants Mitch to rob Peter to pay off Rand Paul.
But if you don't agree to spend more on offense
Than Gates wants to waste on Lockheed Martin
And other war contractors Eisenhower loathed,
Picture your face, and Ryan's, on a no-fat milk carton.
1/28/11 - 6/30/11 To 'Jon Huntsman's Big Daddy'
To 'The GOP's political lobotomy'
To 'In the GOP's budget, a surplus of spite'
To 'Paul Ryan, Supervillain'
To 'Military-Industrial Complex Speech,
Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1961'
To 'Gates Says Budget Impasse Threatens Readiness'
To 'Republican Puppets In Congress'
To 'Military-industrial Complex'