Father Éclair's In Rome
The latest Word from your kids' favorite priest

Hey, it's Father Éclair coming at you from Rome,
Vatican home of the Pope's pleasure dome,
Where we priests are at risk of losing our venues
If we can't decide how to update our menus
    of centuries-old pedophilia.

We're told if the Pope were replaced by a nun,
We might face restrictions on one-on-one fun.
Nuns still don't get it. They know we like kids.
So where's the Church law that expressly forbids
    more centuries-old pedophilia?

Some have suggested a castrati solution,
But think of the risks to a fine institution.
If boys were castrated, they'd have lovely voices
But severely reduce a priest's sexual choices
    of centuries-old pedophilia.

We're pinning our hopes on a course in denial
As taught by the GOP side of the aisle
Which insists it be run as a state-funded college
Which is still tough as hell when the Pope won't acknowledge
    our centuries-old pedophilia.

What? You want us castrated? And your parish priest?
Despite the Pope's claims that abuse has decreased?
Don't blame us molesters; blame the Church hierarchy
Who assured us we weren't subject to this malarkey
    for centuries-old pedophilia.

Bob Carlson

To 'Popes & Pedophiles'
To 'A Nope for Pope'
To 'Should There Be an Inquisition for the Pope?'
To 'Vatican offers 3 reasons it's not liable for abuse'
To 'When words fail, again, ire over child abuse is unabated'