Future Popes Don't Ask Or Tell
Examining their priestly ambitions and inclinations

Were you aware of Father Éclair's
    one overwhelming ambition –
To cash in on sin with no discipline
    and minimal risk of perdition?

The dodgy liturgy of the Vatican clergy
    had made them an obvious choice
From top to bottom, from bottom to top,
    they've appeared to all speak with one voice.

The Pope's wheeler dealers have agreed that all squealers
    must be quietly, promptly dispensed with,
Unlike Michael Steele whose minions all feel
    his foibles are better expensed with.

How can they disclose what everyone knows,
    or with each new disclosure has smelt?
Most are birds of a feather who must hang together
    or their whole ball of wax starts to melt.

As a wee lad in school Éclair played it cool
    when subjected to wayward advances,
Awaiting his turn which he figured he'd earn
    by assuming promiscuous stances.

Excess estrogen, his fondness for men,
    and his stances? How could they refuse him?
An eager recruit who had learned to salute
    all Monsignors who chose to abuse him.

Onward and upward, Éclair's Vatican cupward,
    with the Pope as his ultimate oyster.
Archbishops are willing; the Cardinals thrilling.
    Why ask or tell at the cloister?

Does Éclair need a prayer to get himself there?
    In the Navy it's called 'dropping the soap.'
But when in Rome in the church pleasure dome,
    it's 'how often can you do the Pope?'

Bob Carlson

To 'Popes & Pedophiles'
To 'Should There Be an Inquisition for the Pope?'
To 'Vatican offers 3 reasons it's not liable for abuse'
To 'When words fail, again, ire over child abuse is unabated'