Is Father Éclair Headed For Hell?
Will the Pope's quantity of mercy be strained?

Should Father Éclair be sentenced to Hell
Because of the Church's "Don't Ask and Don't Tell"?
How lucky for him it is not our decision.
We're just letting you know how much he fears perdition:

"Don't excommunicate me, please.
    Where will I find more boys to paw,
Sufficiently in awe of me
    they'll stomach my avoirdupois?

"I'm not only overweight.
    I'm still depraved and now deprived.
Can this only happen to
    those who've never ever wived?

"The Pope's nixed marriage for the clergy
He's left it out of the liturgy
For sad to say I think the Pope
Probably has lost all hope.
Especially after this fiasco,
Who'd coat his fanny in Tabasco?

"But pedophilia's all I know,
    and dispensing of the wafer.
You must know why we like 'em young –
    virgin boys are so much safer.

"So e-mail, Twitter, write the Pope
    and ask him to go easy.
He's been through all this before,
    faking headaches and/or queasy."

Bob Carlson

To 'Popes & Pedophiles'
To 'A Nope for Pope'
To 'Should There Be an Inquisition for the Pope?'
To 'Prosecute the Pope'
To 'The Great Catholic Cover-Up'