Jesus Rates Politicians
Inspired by Bobby Bare singing Shel Silverstein's
"The Numbers"

Unbeknownst to politicians
    Jesus still enjoys a laugh,
Rating them for their positions
    on constituents' behalf.
On a scale of one to ten
    Jesus seldom gets to see,
Like maybe only now and then,
    ours or theirs approach a three.

Changing demographics seem
    insurmountable to most.
They assume they know the cream
    when it's the milk that makes twos toast.
Many, whose childhood ambition
    was focused on becoming eights,
Will soon be put out of commission
    by non-Latino white birth rates.

Already black improves the odds
    that Jesus might rate them a seven,
Unlike priests who're taught that broads,
    not boys, are barriers to heaven.
Who believes gay priests and popes
    can help beget big congregations
And, like all of Boehner's "Nopes",
    inspire our future generations?

Forget their priestly estrogen
    and try a switch to rabbit genes
We know their preference for men
    but not much else about drag queens.
Do Israeli politicians
    want their help to try for four,
Or will they count on Arab Semites
    when Jewish birthrates are folklore?

Music & Original Lyric by Shel Silverstein
Alternate Lyric by Bob Carlson

To 'Popes & Pedophiles'
To 'A Nope for Pope'
To 'The Rage Is Not About Health Care'
To Lyrics for "The Numbers"