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In the shade of oil derricks Dicky Grump-A-Lump sat And he growled, "I'm obnoxious. I'm icky. I'm fat. My ticker's not ticking as well as it did. My ego's insisting I scuttle my id. "Who can help me recover the pow'r of the throne That until Ford was the President's own? We lost it as soon as The Post and The Times Published Dick Nixon, et cetera's crimes." But then what to his squinty old eyesight appears? A leering young elephant with donkeyish ears. "Yay, Grumpy," Al-Yoo-Hoo, the elephant leers, "I'm an empty egghead who's in need of ideas." As expected the Grump hesitated at first. He had worked with Hoo's Daddy who was one of the worst, But Al-Yoo-Hoo seemed pliable, like a limp noodle, "I'll snooker him into a feudal canoodle. "If we just leave Osama to Obama et al, Get gas prices up to ten dollars a gal And mandate high octanes, my stock's through the roof While those Ethanol guys try for 500 proof." It all happened so quickly it makes me heartsick. Many wish Grumpy's ticker'd not continued to tick, For the empty egg registered "Too Full" too quick, And, without enough paddles, guess who's up the crick? Some credit must go to the Chirping Chalallabys, Ably assisted by the Wolf-Whiskered-Wannabees. All suitably hostile to the current regime, They appeared to Al-Yoo-Hoo like a heck-of-a-team. Though unknown to the Wannabees, the goal of the Chirpers Was to ally themselves with potential usurpers Of the pow'r of Al-Yoo-Hoo's dumb elephant gene, Once the Thanks-Franks-For-Tanks guys departed the scene. But there's more to this elephant's tale than all that For the tragedy of Grumpy's ticker's old hat. Yet that ticker's survival's at the root of it all, That and his plan for The Deviled Egg Ball. With Grump bad at planning and his crystal ball broke, Would The Deviled Egg Ball maybe go up in smoke? They weren't sure how to spice them; but the really bad news, They must count on Israelis for the eggs they would use! And the feature attraction? The Feith Piping Corps, Whose Pipers must improvise. None know the score. Their Paul Schicklegruber would import the pigs, After issuing edicts "They're more filling than figs!" That the salt content's higher he chose to ignore For isn't ham what Freedom's Mustard is for? So not all was well with The Deviled Egg Ball: The Al-Yoo-Hoo surge failed. Al-Maliki's AWOL. Baghdad was quiet. They'd bumped themselves off. And the Israeli nation had a terrible cough. They'd been asked to do eggs. So there's less chicken soup - Like maybe the Grump cares they should all get the croup? Though Al-Yoo-Hoo's fat mommy'd expressed her remorse, Her C-47 was well armored, of course, For she knew the reception an elephant gets After showing New Orleans its deepest regrets. But boiling those eggs proved the difficult part For the pow'r grid now was a lost Baathist art. But Al-Yoo-Hoo had read how his friend hatched an egg, And so begged of the Grump-A-Lump; boy, did he beg! "Let me warm them up. I'll sit on the bunch!" Which history recalls as the Al-Yoo-Hoo Crunch. But paraphrase Louisville's Broadway mantras, we beg, "It's only an elephant – lay on egg, break a leg!"
Original Verse by Dr. Seuss To 'Bushie's Cheney' |