Congressional Wits
Sung to the Cole Porter tune
"Friendship"

If you ever need some pork, get a fork.
If you ever need Jim Crow, let us know.
If you ever need some graft that borders on witchcraft,
We are staffed –
Nitwits, dimwits and our share of halfwits.
Though other dimwits have been forgot,
We have not.

If we're ever in a jam, read our spam.
If we ever get your goat, just don't vote.
If we ever pass a bill whose passing makes you ill,
Try our pill –
Nitwits, dimwits and way too many halfwits.
Though lots of nitwits may have got caught,
We have not.

If you ever need a crime, give us time.
If you ever need more oil, prove you're loyal.
If you ever need some armor for your car,
Here we are, over par, like your czar –
Nitwits, dimwits, who don't need more halfwits,
But if dimwitting is your bit,
Have a sit.

Music & Original Lyric by Cole Porter
Alternate Lyric by Bob Carlson
www.politicalboondoggles.com
7/17/05

To 'Co-conspirators - Congress'