Hail to General "Quagmire" Myers, His uncles and his aunts, His nieces and his nephews And fellow sycophants. We're here to celebrate "Quagmire" Myers retiring – He's done a heck of a job in Iraq. We're pleased as punch to welcome him back. What's that? You say he's been here in the sack? Well, I find that goddamn inspiring! Hail to General "Quagmire" Myers, His kiddies and their nannies, And members of my DOD Who can't get off their fannies, Except to help us celebrate "Quagmire" Myers retiring, And his failure to provide more armor for our boys – He favored HumVees over tanks as less expensive toys, And would have spent more time in Baghdad except for the noise Of insurgent RPGs and machine guns firing. Farewell to General "Quagmire" Myers, And thank you all for coming Instead of being somewhere else Hurricane nose-thumbing, But here we are to celebrate "Quagmire" Myers retiring: No need for citizen arrests and subsequent renditions – No need to heed Alberto's Abu Grabbing missions – No need to lobby Congress for adequate conscriptions – No need for me to make like Trump. "Quagmire" is retiring. Bob Carlson |