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On The Mall in DC where the Capitol is, Where elected officials are doing big biz, Where long lunches with lobbyists decide who gets his Over Damn-Your-Constituents-Have-Another Gin Fizz, My Granddaddy related how things once had been – How the town'd gone to hell when those Bushies got in. "Though the terms 'Boob' and 'Rube' had been used here for ages, They had rarely appeared on The Post Op-Ed pages. We've all probably heard one applied to his Dad, But who'd care to mention those his Fat Mama had? "But the need for both surfaced when Junior arrived, Often used interchangeably, never contrived. Politicians need bashing, some a lot more than others. It's a case, pure and simple, of controlling their Druthers, Like when they Druther golf with a short skirted Scot As an Exxon deduction and we Druther they'd not. "We could tax those deductions – yup, and never grow old, Or ask Safire for names so Toldees get told. Which will he suggest to give Tellers help? Which will provoke a "Ten-To-Life" yelp? To Granddaddy not telling's been our greatest sin. "What was told to Scalia when he let Bushie in? We assume Tellers knew Scalia's not omniscient, But appointing the obviously mentally deficient? "Did you hear "Judge, you're fired!" Was no Teller that bold? Tellers have to make sure a Toldee gets told. Weren't they sure what to tell him or his designee, That gagwriter's dream for late night TV?" "At Yale and at Harvard they thought him a 'Boob', Then Bush moved to Texas and became a 'Rube'. One can't wait too long for by then it's too late. And a new name is suddenly more appropriate." My Granddaddy admits that it's tough to decide. "There's plenty of evidence there for each side. Bipartisanship? Absolutely no way! One way or the other - Politics are in play. "A 'Boob' is "a dummy, incredibly thick." A 'Rube is "a hayseed, a rustic, a hick." But people are prejudiced, see things just one way, And 'Nincompoop-Dumbkopf' takes so long to say. "Anti-Bushies have favorites like 'Dingbat' and 'Dummy.' The trouble with those is they also fit Rummy. 'Bushwhacked' by Ivins; 'Ambushed' by Dowd; 'Revered' by Podhoretz? Won't his Daddy be proud!" Now Podhoretz rejects: 'Moron', 'Puppet' and 'Liar', Though Granddaddy expects few of those will expire. He, himself, favors 'Nazi', 'Fanatic' and 'Himbo', But doubts 'Boob' and 'Rube' will vanish in limbo, And with Podhoretz bragging Bush is "energy plus", Prays his epitaph's simply, "RUN OVER BY BUS".
Original Verse by Dr. Seuss To 'Bushie, The Dummy' |