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Eavesdrops on kittens to hear their meowses, President medals for drowning bow wowses, Pensions for Brownies and all their offspring – Probable clues to a tush in a sling. 'Mission Accomplished' is anything but, Running for office but missing the cut Till party judges choose a ding-a-ling – Most likely clues to a tush in a sling. National Guard to avoid being drafted, War aftermaths so cleverly crafted, Cheney obsessed with ordaining him king – Definite clues to a tush in a sling. With his gay fights, With DeLay flings, With Cheney gone mad, How delightful to witness his tush in a sling Though well aware We've been had.
Music by Richard Rodgers |
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Again Bush can't believe his eyes. His road map days are over As they democratize. Again the Palestine he knew, Where standing pat boiled over, Will now begin anew. We'll hear his team say he can deal with Their dream for power like his own By Dick Cheney-like schlemiels with Intentions too well known. Bush grins and claims that it won't last, That Israel's in clover. So what if they're Hamassed? Again Bush somehow gets it wrong. His Fatah days are over. Hamas is now too strong. Again his lies aren't coming true. Democracies that take over Become a countercoup. For his Supremes that he depends on To determine who will win, He's found are still embroiled in Who can and can't be born. Folks vote and then the die is cast. Now they'll be through with Bushie, And not, like us, harassed.
Music by Harry Warren |
Like your young George I signed up figuring the war would wind up before they said, "We're finished with your training." But I'd no influential daddy who could pull strings for his laddie, who'd get me off the hook to go champagning. Instead they said, "Your training's done. Here's your Rummy tommy gun. Go out and let them blow you up because They hate our troops and get upset each time we bomb a minaret, though Bush and Cheney swore we'd get applause." So why is anyone surprised when I find I was ill-advised and opt out when the shooting starts? Like Rummy, I was ill-prepared. Like Bush, getting shot at has me scared. Why should I win Bush some Purple Hearts? Bob Carlson |
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To Bush it's a heat wave, A take a back seat waive. Why are the seas rising? A most enterprising Republican clan game plan. He played for the heat wave. With his dragging of feet, they've Found ev'ryone says, "Because of the prez Those Republicans can game plan." Wow –– CO2 has now Made us all see how No one needs a snow plow. Because of George Bush's heat wave We won't have to repave Highways for driving If arks for surviving Were part of the Bush clan's game plan. * The New York Times - 6/14/05 Editorial "Feeling the Heat"
Music & Original Lyric by Irving Berlin To 'Policies - Environment' |
The Eye-raq problem, as Bush sees it, Is ev'ryone else also sees it. If TV wouldn't show the bombing Who would know he's VIetnaming? We wouldn't know he either lied, "They'll love us when they're occupied…", Or is so dumb he can't recall What led to LBJ's downfall. Aren't some of us the proud descendants Of those who fought for independence? Why wouldn't some Iraqis fight? Why should they, too, share our plight? It's our Supreme Court and not theirs That saddles us with stubborn heirs Who think their oil should not be theirs, Who know how they should say their prayers. Rebellion there? Bush isn't telling. Like Dr. Scholl, he thinks he's gelling. Bob Carlson |
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Though we act a cut above, It's your use of oil we love. Please don't hesitate to fuel Your SUV. Years ago our Grinch agreed We'd do Exxon a good deed If we saw no need to raise The MPG. Our plan was Detroit would benefit, And Exxon'd make a bit From your addiction. A winning Bushie stratagem: Good-bye Saddam, but why GM? At least we've made Exxon and Eye-ran happy.
Music by Leigh Edwards |
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Bush and the Beanstalk. A worrisome tale Involving a cow and an empty milk pail. But was it the cow or merely the bull? What was Chalabi trying to pull. An added inducement to go after Iraq? More misinformation they'd otherwise lack? Even Cheney complained that cows must produce: "Exchange 'blankety' cow for a hen or a goose." So Bush went to Baghdad to arrange a cow swap, But soon was enmeshed in a Rove photo-op, Where he traded said cow for a magical bean, Which like W.M.D. he could buy sight unseen. 'Vice' was so furious at Bush's results He favored his boss with his usual insults: "You don't know your 'blank' from a damn hill of beans. Beans make me gassy. I need salad greens." So saying the bean was tossed into the pail, That desolate bucket at the start of this tale. But with little attention, Bush had a green thumb, It sprouted a beanstalk that was tall and then some. A debate soon ensued as to who'd do the climbing With Cheney demurring because of the timing. "You're a much better climber than you are a talker, And I climb real slow because of my walker." So Bush started up and the higher he went Found he'd not been this high since they made him repent. But just about then's when 'Vice' kicked the bucket, And a plummeting Bush heard his last words, "Oh, 'blank' it." There's a moral, of course: Who's to say who's at fault If there's no bean pole there when you start your pole vault? Bob Carlson |
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Bush, Sharon and Caesar, all share a common fate As the designated leader of a military state. Caesar was ambitious. So are the other two. One's eulogized as honorable. The other two? No clue. One wants land; the other oil; both need security, None of which seems likely given present policy For neighboring constituents with their divergent views: Shia, Kurds and Sunnis; Christians, Muslims, Jews. The goal of each you'd think would be avoiding civil war, Insurgencies and terror — that's what we hired them for — With a single state solution for each leader's group of three, Instead of smaller warring states, each with autonomy. It's been called apartheid when the rights for all weren't equal. Unless they were, wars have begotten sequel after sequel. Bob Carlson |
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Can you guess what it means to be his next New Orleans, knowing who'll be put in charge Of what wasn't destroyed as Bush again toyed with letting a conflict enlarge? For bombed-out Lebanese, instead of trailers, tepees, when and if reconstruction begins, Plus Bushie flyovers cheering Chertoff makeovers supervised by the Bush Bobbsey Twins. He's held up talk of ceasefire as more ka-booms display his flair For dreams that Hezbollah would soon disappear into thin air. Can you guess what it means to be his next New Orleans, knowing how well he'll prepare? Like a Con Ed in Queens touting outdoor latrines, hoping digging makes some think they care.
Music by Louis Alter To 'Bushie's Miscalculations' |
From that moment on You'll see just me, dear – No more two at sea, dear – From that moment on. From that happy day No more bad wars – No more neocon wars – From that moment on. For I've got the dice I love to roll – Good advice from Dr. Scholl – Got the arms from our last fight – And Kenny Lay tips for playing it right. From that moment on No terrorist surprise – Just red, white and blue skies – No scares from now on – Soon as Cheney's gone.
Music by Cole Porter |
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Gee Willikers Libraries all over the country instead of one somewhere in Texas? "Andrew Carnegie here: What a splendid idea from the man who claims he protects us." First "No Child Left Behind", but who'd have divined this kind of Gee Willikers legacy? All attempts intellectual had seemed ineffectual and were described as his round-hole-square-pegacy. Because of the scope, we all marvel and hope that he knows where the money will come from. He assures us he does, and why worry becuz his deficit's humongous and then some? It won't come from the Saudis, to whom books are naughty except for the one they say is theirs; Nor from Cheney who could, but says that he wouldn't, though we doubt he's expecting more heirs. No, Gee Willikers Bush plans to nationalize and rename each Blockbuster store that he siezes. Since he's not much for readin', they're no booklover's Eden, but he promises, "oodles of free DVDses." Bob Carlson |
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Fools rushed in, so here we are, Fighting wars for Bush's Pappy. We can't win, but here we are Fighting for more oil for Pappy. Justifying war is such a chore, And so far's gone pretty bad, Is his Pappy that dirt poor? Maybe Kenny's his real dad. Though 'slam dunk' was pure flimflam, His fat Mammy's asking Pappy, "Why be unhappy? He's oh, so glad."
Music by Richard Rodgers |
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Is the mission now "complete" a repeat Of the ones he's left undone since Day One? Will we ever recognize a dog and phony show in Bush disguise? A guilt trip, guilt trip, A more milk's been spilt trip – When other guilties have been forgot, He will surely not. When Ray Nagin Uncle Toms, grease his palms. If you hate what Nagin does, blame his fuzz. If Nagin's head begins to shine while he shows he has no spine, he's in line For FEMA, FEMA, Bushie's Hiroshima – When other schemers have been forgot, Ray will be white-hot. If you're stranded on a roof, send him proof. When Brown fails to send a boat, learn to float. If, like Chertoff, you're a bust and again left in the dust, you've his trust. They're cronies, cronies, More inept Bush phonies – When other phonies have been forgot, His will still do squat.
Music & Original Lyric by Cole Porter To 'Inept Bushie's Miscalculations' |
I'm gonna turn around and hope things get lots better, Then make believe I was the cause. If the oil flows in Iraq, They'll be gettin' off my back, And could be applaudin' my so-called maraudin'. I'm gonna smirk and work to be a good vote getter, And hope that no one sees the flaws: The million jobs I've lost, The billions war has cost, And that each and ev'ryone's been made a debtor.
Music by Fats Waller |
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It was only an expansion team Playing out a Halliburton dream, But they went and used old Rummy's scheme – How many rights to make a wrong? It was only a neocon throng Predicting flowers, women, wine and song – Who instigated and who went along? Too many rights can make a wrong. Without their shove Would anyone be kicking tush? Without their shove Would there be a big push for getting rid of Bush? If only Rummy had employed more clout – If Bremer hadn't ruled their army out – If they'd had a clue what they're about – Too many rights sure got it wrong.
Music by Harold Arlen |
I'm flying high, But they say the job market's falling – Falling for ev'ryone else but me. Numbers don't lie And I've got this feeling I'm loving Ev'rything Rove says they're showing me. Why would we worry whether We've struck stormy weather? We're in this together, me and you. So, Mister, won't you stand by If you've got a feeling you're falling – Who do you know lost his job but you?
Music by Fats Waller |
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My Son Bill To be sung to the tune "That Old Feeling" (I saw you last night and got that old feeling) Saw my son with Wolf and got that weird feeling, That we're both still victims of Bush misdealing. CNN's live scene flashed by and there was Bill, Now forced to stay and die so Bush can kill The hopes of mothers who've spent years yearning, Never knowing when their sons will be returning. And now that Bush has let Israel blunder on, My Bill will have to fight for years for Bush in Lebanon.
Music by Harold Arlen To 'Inept Bushie's Miscalculations' |
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Deficits came from out of nowhere. They weren't there, nor in my plan. First the applause, Then the faux pas and nightmare: War in Iraq and slashing taxes began. Greenspan's OK came out of nowhere, Cutting his rates as low as he could. Still all those gobs Of good-paying jobs flew off somewhere, And refunds weren't spent to the extent we'd dreamed they would. The need for more oil came out of nowhere – Low-sulfur crude's gone through the roof. Greenspan's backed off And all bets are off we'll go somehere – Nowhere's more likely; Whose foolish plan wasn't exactly foolproof?
Music by Johnny Green |
Gun control is not an issue in the next Iraq election. The NRA calls that perfection. Ev'ryone there owns a few. They'd shoot deer if they existed, but apparently they don't. So if your number's not unlisted, you can't be sure someone won't Look you up for target practice thinking you're an occupier. You can sue them for malpractice, or engage more guns for hire. That's the plan Bush is pursuing, but he's finding it real hard. More and more say, "Nothing doing. Why'd you disrespect The Guard?" P.S. Not only are machine guns legal, we show Iraqis how they work So they can shoot their boss's beagle and him if they hate his smirk. Bob Carlson |
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Darling, Darling, You wrote that memo to Drive those crazies To sponsor a bill they'd rue – A bill that looks odder and odder. To try to get Terri some water. No Democratic Dirty trick – The Republican author was you. * The Washington Post - 4/7/05 "Counsel to GOP Senator Wrote Memo on Schiavo"
Music by Gus Edwards |
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One scheme from the start. One goal to be shooting for, More oil to be going for. Peace not on my mind. My screw-the-world team For neocon paradise. One roll of the Rummy dice , Peace never in mind. Lebanon's not my game, But how to shy away? No oil to make it pay, Let Semite fight Semite! Throw Olmert a bone, Neocon dreams of paradise. Send him some Rummy dice With P.R. in mind.
Music by Richard Rodgers To 'Bushie's Miscalculations' |
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Don't mess with President Fixit. Vote for his genius instead. Look what he's done for that mess in Iraq. He's fixed folks from having to deal with Chiraq. No public pissoirs; no stinkin' Gauloise; No water or power the way it once was. If something don't work? Guess what? He kicks it! Don't mess with President Fixit. Don't mess with President Fixit. Vote for his genius instead. What he's done to Iraq he's now doing to us, Except that we're putting up less of a fuss. He's fixed the tax structure, so why should it vex us If, with his refund, Kenny Boy buys a Lexus? If something don't work? Guess what? He kicks it! Don't mess with President Fixit. Don't mess with President Fixit. Vote for his genius instead. He's fixed Medicare so it's way over budget. Good thing his accountants will know how to fudge it, And make it illegal for old folks to order Low cost prescriptions from north of the border. If something don't work? Guess what? He kicks it! Don't mess with President Fixit. Don't mess with President Fixit. Vote for his genius instead. He's fixed it for folks who would protest his stance. His FBI's been told to ask if by chance Their plans could be classified as a disruption By the same folks who OK'd Abu Graib's corruption. If something don't work? Guess what? He kicks it! Don't mess with President Fixit. Don't mess with President Fixit. Vote for the his genius instead. He's fixing our schools but his privatization Of No Child Left Behind should be on probation. Are their poor reading scores from too small a sample, Or also because of his lousy example? If something don't work? Guess what? He kicks it! Don't mess with President Fixit. Bob Carlson |
Allawi, puppet on a string, When Bush says, "Sing!", you better sing. Before the Congress or UN, Memorize and sing again. Sing to mislead Bush's voters Despite the very fishy odors Of the platitudes your saying, Echoing what Bush is praying. Must be his pleas are out of favor, That Allah likes a diff'rent flavor That's been around since He knows when, Not one where Bush is born again. Bob Carlson |
You'll be fine With your ax. Gonna free the whole world from bushwhacks. With your cow And your plow, It won't have to be one of Rove's poses. Through with you Yes, indeed. We have gotten much more than we need. Feed your dog. Cut your log. This time it won't be one of Rove's poses. 'Twas your inning. Set the UN on its ear. No one's grinning. Terror is just beginning. Put the hen In the pen, And then wonder if she'll lay again. Put the pig In the coop But forget about pics of pig poop. Lost your tongue. Lost for words To explain what you've done for the Kurds. Took your shot. Came up short. What could you do but abort? No more suff'ring with Rove's phoney poses, moon walks in shorts – Or elections that aren't genuine, counting on courts. Only photos of donkeys and mules To compare with those of the fools Who appeared in Rove's poses.
Music by Jule Styne |
Bush's Chairman, Ed Gillespie, wants no talk about a draft. He says Bush said, "we don't need it." Want to bet Al Qaeda laughed? Statements like that just don't cut it. Credibility is gone. Cheney: "Hogwash…" Rummy: "My gosh…" Draft-age young folks aren't turned on. Tommy Franks, fist raised in triumph, prematurely bragged we'd won. Like his bosses, Tommy blew it. "Over?" It had just begun. Too few troops when more were needed? No one knew where they'd come from? Reservists forced to stay on longer? Asked about it, Bush plays dumb. "Fifty thousand more" now needed? What the hell does Tommy care? He's so sure no draft is needed – So is Bush. He'll say a prayer. Bob Carlson To 'Cannon Fodder' To 'Junior's Miscalculations' |
Golly, goodness gracious, oops. How'll I come up with the troops that little Georgie's prob'ly gonna need? If ev'ry two years he attacks without assessing all the facts, a mandatory draft is guaranteed. He's antagonized the world; knitted when he should have purled. No other country wants to bail him out. And he will very shortly find he's gotten himself in a bind where he and we no longer have much clout. Iran will do just as it pleases and say, "To hell with Bush and Jesus. We'll make any kind of bomb we want." North Korea won't malinger. They'll give little George the finger and say come and get us, dilettante. And that's exactly what he'll be, all because of stubborn me, who convinced him we'd get by with fewer. A smart bomb here; a smart bomb there; Pat Robertson will say a prayer for Bush, the pursue-ee, not the pursuer. Bob Carlson |
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Debate himself? You know Bush wouldn't. Why is that? He simply couldn't. He's stuck in a rut. Consider many points of view? Narrow them to just a few? Then debate to see which make the cut? Bush couldn't do it. There's too much to it. The end result? Of course you knew it. He's stuck in a rut. Trouble is the path he picked Has already got him licked. He's in quicksand and sunk up to his butt. Wouldn't you think he would know it? If he does, he doesn't show it. He can't lose face before elections. He can't admit that he could blow it. That he's stuck in a rut. Bob Carlson |
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He will be changing your weather. He'll be changing your sea. He's goin' to swallow up the Isle of Capri. Your air? More polluted despite what they claim. Imported water? That's the name of their game. He's gon' to change your way of livin' and if that ain't enough, Wait till you see Dick Cheney strut his stuff. For Halliburton's goin' to make you pay For things that you find free today. You'll welcome back old Kenny Lay. He's goin' to change your way of voting. You won't know who really won Until Scalia names another George Bush son. In schools, no evolution. Darwin's crossed off the list. Forget The Constitution. Ashcroft says it won't be missed. He's goin' to change your way of lovin'. He'll do away with The Pill, While Dole with his Viag'ra remains King of the Hill. Unwanted pregnancies are here to stay. Increase the population George's way. Elect him Pope today.
Music by W. Benton Overstreet |
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We can't wait to see those photos of you-oo Cutting brush with the lobbyist who knew-oo You'd been led to assume Would donate a spare room Anticipating what impeachment would do-oo To you-oo. Rest assured we'll be chuckling at the view-oo Of Cheney in the background drooling, "Ooh-oo, Halliburton could use him When we crusade against Kim, Who wants to have his picture taken with you."
Music & Original Lyrics |
His results matter. Are you gladder or madder? Were his tax cuts the traitor that made deficits greater? He's "turning a corner?" Which corner's he trying to turn? His results matter. Are you sadder or gladder? Are job hunters discouraged while outsourcing's encouraged? Which corner's he turning? He's so many more corners to turn. Who will decide which corners he tries? Not me or you – That's why some think we ought to be trying somebody new. His results matter. Are you madder or sadder? Are you seeing more terror with less room for error? Is he turning a corner with too many more corners to turn? His results matter. Are you gladder or sadder? Do you feel more secure or less sure of the future? Is he turning a corner? How long till he's finished his turn? Another reason we ought to be trying somebody new – Turning a corner isn't that easy to do. Your results matter. Are you thinner or fatter? Did you used to be convex or a tad anorexic? Are you turning a corner? How long till you've finished your turn?
Music by Walter Donaldson |
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Don't do no sweet talk – You know my rep. I am the hawk's hawk – Kofi, better watch your step. You and your cronies – I'm savin' my vitriol for you. Don't do no carrots, But love the stick. Hate peacenick parrots – Mein Kampf has always been my shtick. Mein walrus moustache? Der Fuehrer says he'll rent one too. In the UN they need real men Who've advised on little Taiwan For about thirty thousand smackeroonies. Bush lost his senses – He's out of dough – So my assignment's mending fences, Eating crow. Why's Wolfie laughing? Something that Der Fuehrer doesn't know? * The Nation - March 7, 2005 David Corn - "Bush Gives the UN the Finger" * The Nation - March 8, 2005 Ian Williams - "Bush's Perverse UN Pick"
Music by Fats Waller & Harry Brooks To 'Oxymorons' |
"We are turning the corner and we're not looking back." We've changed our reasons for attacking Iraq. Who needs to know that we've been on the wrong track? That's why we can't be looking back. We lowered taxes but have watched them backfire. Who knew the deficit would get so much higher? And that they'd outsource instead of rehire? That's why we can't be looking back. We need a huge, new infusion of dough, Poppy's Saudis say "No!", So Code Red, No Club Med. Hate North Korea for they'd prob'ly fight back While our econo-army's stuck in Iraq. Who else conned Cheney? Ev'rybody's lost track. That's why we can't be looking back.
Music by Richard Rodgers |
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What's going to become of George Junior? Is it true that he's not been impeached For going to war to bolster his ratings And lying in speech after speech? That his primary job is a "Yesireebob, We'll tear citizens limb from limb If they disagree with Wolfie and me That Iraq's going to be maintenance free, A democracy with no insurgency."? What will have happened to him?
Music & Original Lyric by Noel Coward To 'Junior's Miscalculations' |
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What's going to become of 'Turd Blossom'? Is it true he'll be given the gate For indulging his lifelong ambition To establish his own fourth estate. Have you heard any word? Are they inditing Turd? The prospect for Junior is grim. Will he have to turn green and tax gasoline, Then discover a gene that makes him come clean, And go back in The Guard to his flying machine? What will have happened to him?
Music & Original Lyric by Noel Coward To 'Junior's Miscalculations' |
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Will the Voice of God speak to the Voice of Allah? Will Bush deign to speak with Sheik Nasrallah? The eloquence Bush would show would surely chill Bold Sheik Nasrallah's plans to mercy kill Any democratic thoughts that Bush might have left Here or in the Mid-East, as well as the theft Of all remaining parliaments here and abroad, And any chance of cutting Bushie's ties to God.
Music by Harold Arlen To 'Bushie, the Articulate' To 'Inept Bushie's Miscalculations' |